On dating and baggage

so...the intern said, " We would never get along cause I've got voter fraud and he's got a DUI. That's like career suicide."

Early to bed, early to rise

so...the intern said, "I got up early because my phone rang in a really untimely fashion. It was like 7:58."

And I do my little turn on the catwalk...

so...the intern said (while practicing a runway turn), "I just got really dizzy! That never happens."

Frienemies

so...the intern said, "I had to block Cindy on Facebook because I didn't like seeing her name in my news feed. But I added her back. Now she's in my phone."

Funny ha-ha

so...the intern said, "I am so funny. I astound myself."

Intern: Mindfreak

so...the intern said, "Do you ever wish you could make things blow up with your mind?"

You have to believe

"How are you today?"
So...the intern said, "Magical."

I always feel like somebody's watching me

so...the intern said, "I also noticed while I was at Chick-fil-A a llama was staring at me. I thought it was magical."

I'm not an imbecile

so...the intern said, "Can I please make an announcement? I made a 93 on my quiz. Maybe my professor has noticed I am not an imbecile."

One time...at Baptist camp...

so...the intern said (finishing an exhaustive thought), "...just like that time at that Baptist camp for girls I went to, even though I'm not Baptist."

Extra Special Gifts

so...the intern said, "I wish someone would leave an avocado on my desk."

Nu Shooz

so...the intern said, "No, these aren't new shoes. My ex-boyfriend gave them to me so I couldn't wear them for a year, but now I am so over him."

No excuses!

so...the intern said, "I had mono okay? It was terrifying and I STILL came to work B-T-W."

The whole thing.

so...the intern said (regarding a college class), "I had to read an entire book."

Make good decisions

so...the intern said (as one complete sentence), "buying these $2 pretzels was the best decision I ever made at work oh my goodness I think my plant needs water."

AP Stylebook

so...the intern said, "Last summer I sold my AP Stylebook so I could pay to get my cat shaved. I just feel Forrest is so much sexier with a lion cut than with all his fur."

say what?

so...the intern said, "I'm taking pre-natal vitamins for my skin, hair and teeth. My boyfriend saw them and said - imagine an angry voice - 'what is this?'"

so...the intern said (regarding her boyfriend), "Oh, he's old. Like I feel like he's too old to cheat. No man can be stolen unless he wants to be, but I just like think he's too old and too busy to cheat. He's 24."

so...the intern said, "He sounded cute on the phone."

so...the intern [panicking] said, "Handle this! Handle this right now! My computer is possessed. Can you just fix this?" The boss said, "Your computer is fine. You're clicking too heavily handed. Please don't shriek."

so...the intern said (Friday morning which is prone to follow Thursday nights) in a hushed voice, "I'm never going out again."

so...the intern said (regarding her relationship with her boyfriend) "He also said he's getting me a piece of jewlery. I don't know if that's appropriate. I suspect its like earrings or a bracelet. I don't want him to buy me a ring. Another one of my friends got engaged this week and he's way too young. They're high school sweethearts and like real Christian. I don't even think they kiss. They did, but then they realized they were sinning and they stopped."

so...the intern said (regarding her relationship with her boyfriend) "It's going so magical. For Christmas, he is giving me an original copy of Michael Jackson's Thriller and it's framed." I said, "Is the original LP in there?" She said, "What's LP?" She's 20.

so...the intern said, "I got there and the guard said I was not dressed appropriately for prison. I said, 'I'm dressed appropriately enough for work and we have a dress code.' She said, 'Honey we are dealing with mentally unstable prisoners, some of whom have not seen a woman in years,' so I cried because they wouldn't... let me do my job. After some tugging and re-arranging they decided to let me in, but sure enough there was this one guy. They got him out quickly enough though."

so...the intern said, "And about that voter fraud thing - The feds called me during Spring Break while I was trying to get my tan on but it's worked out now. I got a $1,000 fine and they publicly reprimanded me and told me to cease and desist the voter fraud activity immediately. So the local paper, where I used to work, put the story in and they used my byline photo."

so...the intern (who is back with her boyfriend) said, "Listen. I did not stalk that man. All I did was give him a calendar with a bow on it. He called me, and I was in the closet, with Christina who was crying because Trent told her that her jeans were ugly, when he called. I told Christina I agreed with Trent. That's what sorority sisters do."

so...the intern said, "We went to take family portraits and the photographer said I look like Bristol Palin." And she does.

so...the intern said "Wait - you're sharing all this on Facebook?"
"Yes," I said, "but don't worry. You can't read it. We're not Facebook friends."
"That's probably best," she said.

so...the intern said, "I'm not sure if we are still together. He hasn't talked to me in two days and he didn't even text me to say thank-you for the desk calendar I bought him and left outside his door."

so...today the intern marches into the newsroom and says 'Boys are stupid. I thought you should know.' (And in case you were wondering, a boy is why she hid under her desk yesterday to cry/talk on the phone)

so...the intern is underneath her desk talking on her phone.