My name is not Ariel, it's Helvetica...

So...the intern said, "Sometimes I get bored in Spanish so I practice fonts."

Go to jail...

So...the intern said, "I sprayed some perfume on the letter I sent to my ex-boyfriend who is in jail."

Live the Sheen dream

So...the intern said, "I say some dumb things but at least I am not Charlie Sheen."

Meow.

So...the intern said, "I've been told I have cat-like qualities. I can be aloof and I am smart."

TNT. We Know Drama.

So...the intern said, "I told her thank-you the next morning for filling up the condo with more drama than TNT."

Dental Work

So...the intern said, "I vaguely thought about that as I was in a vicodin haze with frozen salmon on my face."

Oh Bother.

So...the intern said, "My idiot friend married and idiot man and they're the parents of my god child. I now have to testify in a custody hearing."